The Only Angel Ive Seen

Only two people in this world know this story, only because i thought i was dreaming. But now i know its truely the reality.

This past summer i went to Indianapolis to "remeet" my moms side of the family. The last time i had seen most of them was before i could walk. But my Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt are the only ones who i truely did remember. Grandma "pooper" didn't know Darby and i were coming ; we surprised her. She was so excited. My Aunt Heather (aka. Aunt Hair) wasn't supposed to come to Indianapolis that weekend because of a wedding. That whole weekend i felt like i was famous because piles upon piles upon piles of people came to my Aunt suzy's house JUST to see Darby and I. That made me think that my mom must have been a really special person if everyone was so eager to see her two daughters.

The reason we were down there was because of the Nascar Race the Brickyard 400(or something like that, i dont pay attention) the night before the race my aunt hair actually got to come in! When she finally got there it was like 11:30pm and pitch black. well we were all waiting outside for her to get there. When she got there and got out of the car, i walked towards her and what seemed to be someone who looked identical to her,but this person had some sort of wierd characteristics about her that almost made her look like something that was so beautiful, it wasn't even normal. And i knew from that moment it was my mother. Now im not the kind that believes in all that paranormal stuff. but this was real. The most real thing ive seen. I stood there in awe, it was like i was having one of those dreams where you're in trouble but you can't run away or scream. Even though this wasn't anything bad i just couldnt find away to put into words what i was seeing. This figure next to Hair was so visibly beautiful i couldnt take my eye off of it. As my aunt walked towards me so did this figure, i saw it until after i hugged my Aunt.

From that day on i felt like i knew who my mom was, and that she's still constantly there even when i can't see her. Even though my heart continually breaks everyday, over and over and over again for the desire to be with someone whom i love so deeply but barely even got to know. Right now is the time the death of my mom was relized. My dad's ex wife tried to wipe her out of my mind. And i hate to say it but she succeeded . But it all came back, and it will never leave me: the love that is. Although i might forget the laugh, the smile or the presence of my mom. I'll never forget her love. Although my heart breaks every day it repairs its self everyday, not just to break again the next day. But to get me through the day.

Mom. i love you. never forget that, and thank you for teaching me that love is unconditional, and no storm, or roadblock can make you forget what love actually is. Thank you for being my biggest inspiration, my role model, and my best friend. I will never forget the fight that you faught. You're the strongest person i know. I love you.


Sydney
Jeremiah 29:11

Learning something new everyday

when you have a person in your life that you know should be special, but you cant remember who they really were, it is pretty difficult to deal with. this past week i learned a lot of new things about my mom.  i heard some funny stories and i learned how passionate she was about Christ. right now. more than ever im happy to know i have a mom like that.
I look up to a lot of people in my life when they do things that i wish i could do. the stories ive heard make me really inspired. Alot of people still think about her, she impacted a lot of people and i wish i could remember so me of it. Not remembering her is the hardest part. I only remember her love and passion to always be there for darby and i. she was a great mom. If only she could come back

sydney

This isn't ALLLL bad

Going to a new school I've been given the opportunity to meet a lot of people who share this unfortunate tragedy with me. Although it may not be from cancer it is still a lost parent. Just because it wasn't cancer doesn't make it any easier.
I'm fortunate enough to play basketball with two of them. One of them, her dad passed two years ago from a heart attack. And the other girl, her mom is battling cancer right now. I've surprisingly related more to the one whose dad has died.
She's challenged me with thinking about a lot of things, and getting myself to remember how i dealt with the passing of my mom. It's almost joyful to bring back memories of my mom, because I don't remember any pain. She asked me if i ever feel like I'm forgetting who my mother was, which really made me think. I am forgetting, her voice her appearance, all those little things. As I've continually said, i will NEVER FORGET THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR ME because it will remain in my heart forever.

Sydney <3

I remember it like it was yesterday

When i was six years old my main worries were Blue's Clues, Barney, and Nsync. I never thought that the first time I would find out what Non- Hodgkins Lymphoma was, it would be because I would find out my mom was diagnosed with it! I don't remember what age I was when I actual understood what cancer was, but it was never something I thought was good. I don't remember being sad a lot back then, I don't remember a lot about it, just the main things that happened.
I found out that my mom was going to die on a Sunday morning before church. I don't know if i cried, i don't remember the emotions. She sat on her hospital bed, that was now in our living room to make things easier, as far as i was concerned, and she sat Darby & I up on the bed and told us. I remember Darby burying herself into my dads arms, and I don't remember my reaction, besides the part where i told my mom she had bad breathe (I was a little brat).
Church that morning I had so many people come up to me, a lot of them i had no clue who they were, but they all said that they were there for me. I still didn't fully understand. I was just like, "Okay, cool?"
Everything between that day and January 4,2002 was a blur. I remember a TON of people sitting at my house, and Darby and i were about to go to Girl Scout Retreat for the night. My dad knew that was her night she would leave us. I don't know if it was just a coincidence that we wouldn't be there that night but I'm almost positive my dad wouldn't have had us been there anyways. I was picked up the next morning from the retreat because I was sick, and that's when i found out. I'll never forget the words that were said to me...Life INSTANTLY changed. You lose a best friend, a role model, supporter, a mom and your life just feels empty no matter how many people try to make it feel better.
To this day i don't remember ever getting to say goodbye, which follows me everyday. One last hug, one last "i love you" that's all i want. Unfortunately that's plan is gonna be turned down. Everyday when I struggle with this i think of my mothers favorite verse Jeremiah 29:11 "'For i know the plans i have for you,' Declares the Lord. " Plans to prosper not to harm you, plans for a HOPE and a FUTURE.'"
One day we'll meet again, and it will be the most familiar thing I'll ever do, because the love she has for me, will always be in my heart <3

Syd<3

Remembering Holly

My mother wasn't just a fighter, she was a ROCK! Although in 2002 she lost her battle, she put up the most incredible fight i've seen someone give. I didn't just see a mom our of her, I saw a role model, I saw a best friend. I was only seven when I watched my mom fight. She never gave up, the memories of her make me a fighter everyday of my life. Although, the struggles in my life don't even compare to what she went through. We all have people in our lives who do things we will never forget. The one thing ill never forget is her desire to please Christ. She could have given up on everything, she fought day by day & with Christ on her side she fought the best battle i've seen. 2 Timothy 4:7 says, "I've fought the good fight, I've ran the race, I've kept the faith."  Although at age seven a relationship with Christ didn't matter to me, looking back I remember a woman who not only loved Christ, but she lived for him. To this day, I don't know any one more inspiring, more loving, more caring, more devoted then her. She was a fighter, and although it was her time to be with Christ. I know that i'll see her face to face one more time. Meeting my mom for the second time will be the most familiar thing, because the love she has for Darby, Nate, Kelly and I will NEVER leave our hearts. It keeps me going each day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUNpT89nvHU