Learning something new everyday

when you have a person in your life that you know should be special, but you cant remember who they really were, it is pretty difficult to deal with. this past week i learned a lot of new things about my mom.  i heard some funny stories and i learned how passionate she was about Christ. right now. more than ever im happy to know i have a mom like that.
I look up to a lot of people in my life when they do things that i wish i could do. the stories ive heard make me really inspired. Alot of people still think about her, she impacted a lot of people and i wish i could remember so me of it. Not remembering her is the hardest part. I only remember her love and passion to always be there for darby and i. she was a great mom. If only she could come back

sydney

This isn't ALLLL bad

Going to a new school I've been given the opportunity to meet a lot of people who share this unfortunate tragedy with me. Although it may not be from cancer it is still a lost parent. Just because it wasn't cancer doesn't make it any easier.
I'm fortunate enough to play basketball with two of them. One of them, her dad passed two years ago from a heart attack. And the other girl, her mom is battling cancer right now. I've surprisingly related more to the one whose dad has died.
She's challenged me with thinking about a lot of things, and getting myself to remember how i dealt with the passing of my mom. It's almost joyful to bring back memories of my mom, because I don't remember any pain. She asked me if i ever feel like I'm forgetting who my mother was, which really made me think. I am forgetting, her voice her appearance, all those little things. As I've continually said, i will NEVER FORGET THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR ME because it will remain in my heart forever.

Sydney <3

I remember it like it was yesterday

When i was six years old my main worries were Blue's Clues, Barney, and Nsync. I never thought that the first time I would find out what Non- Hodgkins Lymphoma was, it would be because I would find out my mom was diagnosed with it! I don't remember what age I was when I actual understood what cancer was, but it was never something I thought was good. I don't remember being sad a lot back then, I don't remember a lot about it, just the main things that happened.
I found out that my mom was going to die on a Sunday morning before church. I don't know if i cried, i don't remember the emotions. She sat on her hospital bed, that was now in our living room to make things easier, as far as i was concerned, and she sat Darby & I up on the bed and told us. I remember Darby burying herself into my dads arms, and I don't remember my reaction, besides the part where i told my mom she had bad breathe (I was a little brat).
Church that morning I had so many people come up to me, a lot of them i had no clue who they were, but they all said that they were there for me. I still didn't fully understand. I was just like, "Okay, cool?"
Everything between that day and January 4,2002 was a blur. I remember a TON of people sitting at my house, and Darby and i were about to go to Girl Scout Retreat for the night. My dad knew that was her night she would leave us. I don't know if it was just a coincidence that we wouldn't be there that night but I'm almost positive my dad wouldn't have had us been there anyways. I was picked up the next morning from the retreat because I was sick, and that's when i found out. I'll never forget the words that were said to me...Life INSTANTLY changed. You lose a best friend, a role model, supporter, a mom and your life just feels empty no matter how many people try to make it feel better.
To this day i don't remember ever getting to say goodbye, which follows me everyday. One last hug, one last "i love you" that's all i want. Unfortunately that's plan is gonna be turned down. Everyday when I struggle with this i think of my mothers favorite verse Jeremiah 29:11 "'For i know the plans i have for you,' Declares the Lord. " Plans to prosper not to harm you, plans for a HOPE and a FUTURE.'"
One day we'll meet again, and it will be the most familiar thing I'll ever do, because the love she has for me, will always be in my heart <3

Syd<3

Remembering Holly

My mother wasn't just a fighter, she was a ROCK! Although in 2002 she lost her battle, she put up the most incredible fight i've seen someone give. I didn't just see a mom our of her, I saw a role model, I saw a best friend. I was only seven when I watched my mom fight. She never gave up, the memories of her make me a fighter everyday of my life. Although, the struggles in my life don't even compare to what she went through. We all have people in our lives who do things we will never forget. The one thing ill never forget is her desire to please Christ. She could have given up on everything, she fought day by day & with Christ on her side she fought the best battle i've seen. 2 Timothy 4:7 says, "I've fought the good fight, I've ran the race, I've kept the faith."  Although at age seven a relationship with Christ didn't matter to me, looking back I remember a woman who not only loved Christ, but she lived for him. To this day, I don't know any one more inspiring, more loving, more caring, more devoted then her. She was a fighter, and although it was her time to be with Christ. I know that i'll see her face to face one more time. Meeting my mom for the second time will be the most familiar thing, because the love she has for Darby, Nate, Kelly and I will NEVER leave our hearts. It keeps me going each day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUNpT89nvHU