Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The hardest night to sleep
January 3rd is ALWAYS a hard night to go to bed. I always dread waking up January 4.. Especially tomorrow. Tomorrow is 10 years since the day my mom died. When that day comes around every year she never leaves my head, no matter how hard i try to think of someone else.. Just keep my family in your prayers. We really are gonna need it. I love you mommy. I'm happy you're not in pain anymore
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Only Angel Ive Seen
Only two people in this world know this story, only because i thought i was dreaming. But now i know its truely the reality.
This past summer i went to Indianapolis to "remeet" my moms side of the family. The last time i had seen most of them was before i could walk. But my Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt are the only ones who i truely did remember. Grandma "pooper" didn't know Darby and i were coming ; we surprised her. She was so excited. My Aunt Heather (aka. Aunt Hair) wasn't supposed to come to Indianapolis that weekend because of a wedding. That whole weekend i felt like i was famous because piles upon piles upon piles of people came to my Aunt suzy's house JUST to see Darby and I. That made me think that my mom must have been a really special person if everyone was so eager to see her two daughters.
The reason we were down there was because of the Nascar Race the Brickyard 400(or something like that, i dont pay attention) the night before the race my aunt hair actually got to come in! When she finally got there it was like 11:30pm and pitch black. well we were all waiting outside for her to get there. When she got there and got out of the car, i walked towards her and what seemed to be someone who looked identical to her,but this person had some sort of wierd characteristics about her that almost made her look like something that was so beautiful, it wasn't even normal. And i knew from that moment it was my mother. Now im not the kind that believes in all that paranormal stuff. but this was real. The most real thing ive seen. I stood there in awe, it was like i was having one of those dreams where you're in trouble but you can't run away or scream. Even though this wasn't anything bad i just couldnt find away to put into words what i was seeing. This figure next to Hair was so visibly beautiful i couldnt take my eye off of it. As my aunt walked towards me so did this figure, i saw it until after i hugged my Aunt.
From that day on i felt like i knew who my mom was, and that she's still constantly there even when i can't see her. Even though my heart continually breaks everyday, over and over and over again for the desire to be with someone whom i love so deeply but barely even got to know. Right now is the time the death of my mom was relized. My dad's ex wife tried to wipe her out of my mind. And i hate to say it but she succeeded . But it all came back, and it will never leave me: the love that is. Although i might forget the laugh, the smile or the presence of my mom. I'll never forget her love. Although my heart breaks every day it repairs its self everyday, not just to break again the next day. But to get me through the day.
Mom. i love you. never forget that, and thank you for teaching me that love is unconditional, and no storm, or roadblock can make you forget what love actually is. Thank you for being my biggest inspiration, my role model, and my best friend. I will never forget the fight that you faught. You're the strongest person i know. I love you.
Sydney
Jeremiah 29:11
This past summer i went to Indianapolis to "remeet" my moms side of the family. The last time i had seen most of them was before i could walk. But my Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt are the only ones who i truely did remember. Grandma "pooper" didn't know Darby and i were coming ; we surprised her. She was so excited. My Aunt Heather (aka. Aunt Hair) wasn't supposed to come to Indianapolis that weekend because of a wedding. That whole weekend i felt like i was famous because piles upon piles upon piles of people came to my Aunt suzy's house JUST to see Darby and I. That made me think that my mom must have been a really special person if everyone was so eager to see her two daughters.
The reason we were down there was because of the Nascar Race the Brickyard 400(or something like that, i dont pay attention) the night before the race my aunt hair actually got to come in! When she finally got there it was like 11:30pm and pitch black. well we were all waiting outside for her to get there. When she got there and got out of the car, i walked towards her and what seemed to be someone who looked identical to her,but this person had some sort of wierd characteristics about her that almost made her look like something that was so beautiful, it wasn't even normal. And i knew from that moment it was my mother. Now im not the kind that believes in all that paranormal stuff. but this was real. The most real thing ive seen. I stood there in awe, it was like i was having one of those dreams where you're in trouble but you can't run away or scream. Even though this wasn't anything bad i just couldnt find away to put into words what i was seeing. This figure next to Hair was so visibly beautiful i couldnt take my eye off of it. As my aunt walked towards me so did this figure, i saw it until after i hugged my Aunt.
From that day on i felt like i knew who my mom was, and that she's still constantly there even when i can't see her. Even though my heart continually breaks everyday, over and over and over again for the desire to be with someone whom i love so deeply but barely even got to know. Right now is the time the death of my mom was relized. My dad's ex wife tried to wipe her out of my mind. And i hate to say it but she succeeded . But it all came back, and it will never leave me: the love that is. Although i might forget the laugh, the smile or the presence of my mom. I'll never forget her love. Although my heart breaks every day it repairs its self everyday, not just to break again the next day. But to get me through the day.
Mom. i love you. never forget that, and thank you for teaching me that love is unconditional, and no storm, or roadblock can make you forget what love actually is. Thank you for being my biggest inspiration, my role model, and my best friend. I will never forget the fight that you faught. You're the strongest person i know. I love you.
Sydney
Jeremiah 29:11
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Learning something new everyday
when you have a person in your life that you know should be special, but you cant remember who they really were, it is pretty difficult to deal with. this past week i learned a lot of new things about my mom. i heard some funny stories and i learned how passionate she was about Christ. right now. more than ever im happy to know i have a mom like that.
I look up to a lot of people in my life when they do things that i wish i could do. the stories ive heard make me really inspired. Alot of people still think about her, she impacted a lot of people and i wish i could remember so me of it. Not remembering her is the hardest part. I only remember her love and passion to always be there for darby and i. she was a great mom. If only she could come back
sydney
I look up to a lot of people in my life when they do things that i wish i could do. the stories ive heard make me really inspired. Alot of people still think about her, she impacted a lot of people and i wish i could remember so me of it. Not remembering her is the hardest part. I only remember her love and passion to always be there for darby and i. she was a great mom. If only she could come back
sydney
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
This isn't ALLLL bad
Going to a new school I've been given the opportunity to meet a lot of people who share this unfortunate tragedy with me. Although it may not be from cancer it is still a lost parent. Just because it wasn't cancer doesn't make it any easier.
I'm fortunate enough to play basketball with two of them. One of them, her dad passed two years ago from a heart attack. And the other girl, her mom is battling cancer right now. I've surprisingly related more to the one whose dad has died.
She's challenged me with thinking about a lot of things, and getting myself to remember how i dealt with the passing of my mom. It's almost joyful to bring back memories of my mom, because I don't remember any pain. She asked me if i ever feel like I'm forgetting who my mother was, which really made me think. I am forgetting, her voice her appearance, all those little things. As I've continually said, i will NEVER FORGET THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR ME because it will remain in my heart forever.
Sydney <3
I'm fortunate enough to play basketball with two of them. One of them, her dad passed two years ago from a heart attack. And the other girl, her mom is battling cancer right now. I've surprisingly related more to the one whose dad has died.
She's challenged me with thinking about a lot of things, and getting myself to remember how i dealt with the passing of my mom. It's almost joyful to bring back memories of my mom, because I don't remember any pain. She asked me if i ever feel like I'm forgetting who my mother was, which really made me think. I am forgetting, her voice her appearance, all those little things. As I've continually said, i will NEVER FORGET THE LOVE SHE HAS FOR ME because it will remain in my heart forever.
Sydney <3
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